Do you find it harder to make friends and acquaintances as you get older?

Now that I'm retired it is difficult to find friends. As for family, I only have a daughter who lives near me. She is busy with her own life although I see her often.





I didn't grow up in this area so have no friends "from high school" here. I lost most of my friends when I got divorced. I still don't know why they ditched me.





I've tried making friends in my condo complex, including being on the homeowners Board, and that ended up with being around some mean spirited people. The women I meet here seem to like to gossip about the others. It wears me down since I don't care to gossip.





I tend to get lonely and depressed living by myself. Do any of you have the same problem? I've tried everything - church, volunteering, senior gatherings, library groups, etc. Everyone comes with a friend.





(If you are one of those "busier than ever with no extra time" retirees, please do not answer this question.)

Do you find it harder to make friends and acquaintances as you get older?
I can understand completely. I think it is harder when you get older because of many things. We learn from mistakes and have our guard up from previous hurts and things. try to come on here and have fun, and go to resale shops and thrift stores and get out and just hav efun with yourself. I do that often. I have been hurt and do not have friends becasue of it. Only family who can be just as bad, and my sis who I met on line who is more than family. comeon her eand we will all have a fun time!!!!!
Reply:Yes but I live in Las Vegas and you don't want to be "friends" with these people.
Reply:I'm only 57 but I'm widowed so straight away your options are reduced because most people in my age range are married so you're always the 3rd or 5th wheel in a group.


I don't do the bar scene.


I tried online dating and the men on there were absolutely shocking.....the women were as bad if not worse.......a couple of times I contacted widowed females in my area to see if they felt the same as me and one wrongly assumed I was a lesbian trying to hit on her!


Sometimes people meet others through their work....but I'm a funeral director so all the people I meet are grieving. I've met some lovely people through families I have served, but if you go out for dinner or an evening, all they want to do is talk about the person they've lost so for me it feels like I never get away from work.


I do my best to keep busy and fortunately I'm comfortable in my own skin and enjoy my own company, but it would be nice sometimes to have a circle of friends outside of my family.
Reply:No, I don't. I, also, find it easier to make friends now. But then, I didn't make any friends as a young person. I am somewhat more open to people than I used to be.





It does get lonely and while my solution may not work for everyone it works for me. This is obviously one of options that I have and take advantage of and have made some friends that I have never met and may never meet.





I also have also been taking Ballroom dance lessons and attending the monthly dances.





I attend to my spirituality regularly and have friends there as well.





After that I ride my motorcycle.
Reply:It is hard to make friends and to keep them. I don't know if our age makes it more difficult or not. I personally have learned to be happy with a very few true friends and some nice acquaintances. I too hate the gossipers, meddlers and drama queens so I keep to myself a lot.





Perhaps you haven't found the right match yet in the activities you've tried. Do you have skills that might attract friends? One of my friends plays Bridge and is constantly invited to fill in for someone for an evening of card playing. A neighbor of mine bakes a cake each week and takes it to the Senior Center to share it with friends.





My mother gave me some good advice when I was a lonely little kid in a new town. She told me to watch for someone who looked like they could use a friend and go talk to them. Please don't give up. Good luck.
Reply:I find it is much easier at my age, not all that competitiveness and immaturity anymore. We are much more relaxed and secure in our own skin. I have friends of all ages and really appreciate the ones who are close to my age.
Reply:Wow, I sure can relate to these feelings! Supposedly, it is referred to as "the empty nest syndrome". Some also say it's a form of simple depression. There's nothing simple about it! I don't have much advice for you because I'm still trying to find some ways to re-connect myself. Just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in the way you feel! My 29 year old also has some of the same problems in their life. I stopped volunteering because of the silly gossip sessions what I just could not stand to be a part of or party to. Perhaps a new hobby would help you to find some joy in your life.
Reply:I do think it is harder to make friends now, but I attribute it more to the changes in my life than in the world's attitude toward women my age.





1. I no longer go out after dark very often and I seldom drive at night. That is very different from what I did in my 20's.





2. I don't dress the way I used to.





3. I am probably less approachable than I was.





4. I don't flirt much anymore. What was cute at 20, looks pretty desperate a decade or two later.





5. I am not around singles my age very often. In my 20's, I was in school and there were more opportunities for social interaction.





6. When I was in my 20's I never thought my net worth was under consideration. Now, it is pretty clear that it counts.





7. When I was in my 20's, I would look at men and wonder what they would look like with their shirt off. Now, I look at men my age and wonder if their heart is up to it?





8. I used to be a good dancer. Now, I wonder if doing the "twist" years ago accounts for my bad left knee now.





9. I used to losen up after a cocktail or two. Now, I would probably fall asleep.





10. Men used to single me out of a crowd. Now, it seems like they run in packs, and so do we women.





My advice....Join the Red Hat Society. Dress up, go out to lunch with the girls and have a great time. Attitude is everything and it is just as appealing now as back in our good old days.
Reply:Hi, I'm autumlovr here at yahoo. I have a 360 blog, you can always visit me or email me.


Just double click on my avatar and you can come and visit my blog anytime you like.





I also post photos at :


http://www.flickr.com/photos/12389985@N0...





I spend most of my yahoo time in Arts and Humanities (Poetry) (Philosophy)


Feel free to visit
Reply:I am older, though not yet retired and I personally find it easier than ever to make friends. However, the nature of friendships is different from when I was young. I had to had some common interest or activity to make friends as a young man. And if I didn't revisit that friendship daily or weekly, it would diminish.





Now I can renew and foster a friendship with a monthly, semi-annual, or even quite distant casual contact. A Christmas Card or annual golf outing can maintain a meaningful friendship.





If you feel the need to be closer than that, do it. Be a good friend and you will always make and have good friends. You and your smile and attitude will set the tone!
Reply:not really, i guess u have to go out of your way to talk to the people that u think u would like for friends. good luck
Reply:I don't, but I am around people I have known most of my life. Well, except here on Yahoo, and I have made friends here. I had to step out of my shell and just trust people, which is hard for me to do sometimes. There was one I ended up deleting but that is just one out of 50 so I say that is pretty good odds. Check out my profile and I'll be your friend.
Reply:I'm not sure that it will help, but starting a hobby such as singing with a choir, or gardening will give you many opportunities to meet people and talk about .. well everything. :) To do with tulips... and life, and singing, and being part of a group. From those experiences comes friends.





I've had the most success finding friends through non-volunteer participatory groups, where those other people aren't feeling sometimes stressed and put-upon to be there too.





:) Good luck with friend hunting. :)
Reply:You are not the only one with that problem. I accepted a job 2,000 miles away 12 years ago, because I was desperate with no money. Now, newly retired, I have NO relatives in this state and purposely did not try to meet a lady or make friends, because I knew I would be moving to another state to be near my grand kids.


So now I'm moving (May) to a retirement building in Colorado Springs and won't know a soul, the family I have will be 30 minutes away. I'm going to give it a shot then.
Reply:I have the opposite problem.


Whenever I am shopping, strangers want to strike up a conversation while standing in line at the check-out.
Reply:Interesting question. Although I am no where near retirement at 27 I find many of the things you say still hold true (and isn't it sad people seem to ditch others based on popularity IE significant others even very far past high school...)


For my experience it seems many adult social circles are based on things like networking, money, gossip, swapping sexual favors, just getting info to raise one's own kids...all rather corrupt reasons for being friends.


The all of two truly stable friends I have are very quirky people, subconsciously I think my attitude tells people who are not so kind hearted not to be my friends (IE much of the reason I have few friends is I have a short temper toward would-be bad friends).





I know this may sound odd as a suggestion for someone not from the "digital age", but online groups and online dating may be the answer for you. I found my g/f that way and one of my two local friends. Just go online and find someone intelligent...talk about things like entertainment, movies, history, news, books, what ever. Worst case, you learn a lot and have productive conversation. Best case you meet at Luby's (or something like that) and have dinner together.





I know it's hard being alone...I was that way and friendless for about two years after college when everyone else was "too busy becoming rich and famous parents"...but keep looking and you'll most likely make some friends who meet your integrity.
Reply:Pink if I make a friend I keep it a life time.


May I subject you visit the 360* blogs here on Yahoo us girls have been having a blast with these..It keeps me busy in my spare time.
Reply:I moved away from my "roots" for financial reasons.I decided to buy a small house rather than a condo thinking it is easier to meet people in their yards or in the street.I have met a few friends but none of them are the kind of people I am used to, although they are very nice.


This suggestion might make you say "NO WAY!", but here goes: The nicest people i have met, both men and women are from the Senior Bowling League.These people are more my type, no snobs, gossips, no fake B.S.! They will gladly take you as a beginner if you have never played before.I used to play a great game 35 years ago, but had to start over on a beginners league because of back problems.


Before you say no to this call your nearest Alley, ask when Senior Night is and go watch.I bet you have a good time!
Reply:Best friend I got is my dog
Reply:Finding true friends is really difficult no matter what age you are. I live in the country and work about 40 miles away so doing things after work is not possible usually. I have never connected with my co-workers because we are just different kinds of people. I am not saying there is anything wrong with them but our interest are different. We are way more isolated as a society today and this is one of the reasons. I would keep trying the things you have been and be patient.