If you find it hard to make friends and your lonley answer this?

I find it hard to make friends and keep them, im very shy and have depression,social anxiety, %26amp; agoraphobia, i make friends but i cant keep them long because they dont understand that i cant just go out whenever and cant switch off and be outgoing.





Im sick of losing friends and sick of being lonley, sad and unable to interact and be a fun social person.





What do you do to cope? do any of you get used to not having friends and enjoy it?

If you find it hard to make friends and your lonley answer this?
Hey there,


My mum suffers from depression, too. She is not shy, though. LOL! Sometimes, it is hard to make friends, especially, if you all like different things. Having your friends, with you.. all the time, can get annoying. I know this, for a fact, as my dad.. constantly, has his friend.. wanting to come round and I think, it is starting to do his head in, sometimes. It seems, that he is scared to say, "NO." If he did, his friend.. would be sure, to go off in a mardy.


I'm fifteen, sixteen.. this month! I've had problems, from a young age, with making friends. Sure, I've had friends.. but, I struggled to get them, in some stages.. of my life. Don't get down about it. There is always someone out there, to talk to you. I talk to my teachers, I have friends online and of course, I have a few real friends and most of all, I have my family.


I suggest, you go out.. with a family member or find someone and have a good time and try not to worry or find a hobbie. I love drawing and listening to music. Don't worry, about what people think about you. In every stage, of our lives.. there is always someone, that we are not going to get along with. I am a very caring person and to hear what you are saying, makes me sad. Just remember, you are not alone!





EDIT: I also, love collecting autographs! I send letters off, to people and it is a lovely hobbie. :)


Maybe, you should try and start collecting, as it would give you something extra to do and look forward to.
Reply:You know you and i should become friends. I totally understand your situation maybe talking to someone may help but if you cannot feel that you can talk to anyone you just got to stick it out, like i do. Difference between myself and you is that my friends just get ticked of with my and let me be. So i do what makes me happy. tell you the truth i cannot stand people, i cannot stand friends. I say stick to being a loner, it is easier to cope, even though loneliness may be killing you. Although my situation is currently worse than yours. Get friends like you, exactly like how you are. I mean if that is even possible. But i cannot give much of an advice since i am a bloody hermit!
Reply:i don't find it hard to make friends but i am shy and used to have one of the above things. don't get used to it- we all need friends and i'm sure there's someone out there who's more suited to you. you don't just need to make friends in school, you can find them in many places. i understand how difficult things must be for you. if you ever need to talk, my email is there. hope this helps :) X
Reply:I have a male friend in the same situation as you. I have stayed friends with him, but not everyone has. He does not have coping skills, he hasn't figured a way to cope with it yet.


I am sorry you have these problems, and i hope you have a way out of it all really soon.





E-mail me anytime you like, i won't judge.
Reply:I think it could be the fear of rejection that makes it hard to make friends. We have all types of people and they tend to end up in cliques. Which can be intimidating (?)


Anticipating a rejection is not nice. Confidence is something that is needed to face things and react to it assertively.Think positive helps.
Reply:Oh you poor thing, I don't have many friends now cos once you've had a family and got married some of them especially the single ones don't understand. I hope one day you will be able to overcome your problems and get back out there and make some new friends. If not, get a cat cos they understand!! Good luck
Reply:People should accept you for who you are, you sound nice by your interests %26amp; hobbies.If people dont stay friends with you then it says more about them being unloyal %26amp; uncaring than you being the problem.Its those people who dont make the effort who have the problem not you.Feel free to mail me anytime for a chat ok my address is





mariadunphy@yahoo.co.uk








Good luck %26amp; dont loss any sleep of those people
Reply:Honestly, the best help for social anxiety is professional help. Are you tired of feeling this way? If so, a therapist can really help you. Don't feel embarrassed to go to one, more people do than you think.





"The hardest paths in life are often conquered by our first step"
Reply:That sounds hard... I'm kinda goin through a depression stage at th min aswell and im sortof gettin used 2 bein alone.. but people on here keep tellin me 2 try doin creative things and make new friends and stuff no matter how hard it may be.. and i guess thats the best advice i can give ya =)


Gd luck tho..X
Reply:Take care of yourself first, make yourself better. Love yourself, then others will learn to love you.
Reply:porb cause pep could be telling romas about you and try not to have fights with them if you do
Reply:I sometimes make friends so hard.
Reply:I used to have this trouble, and I blamed all sorts of stuff on it like depression and insomnia and stuff.





btu where I thought that depression and insomnia was causing me to not make friends, it seems now more like me not being able to make friends caused my depression and insomnia!





don't get me wrong, when I made more friends they didn't go away, but they did get a hell of a lot better, and some of my friends even know what I am going through.





you just have to be a little more confident and try and meet new people. I started hanging out more with people i had been working with for months without ever really talking to them. I striaghtened up and cheered up and even when i didnt feel like talking, i did.





Now they are really my friends they understand when i am not feeling 100% and they deal well with it. they have definatley helped me feel better, and it just came down to me believeing that i could sort stuff out, and being lucky enough to meet the right people.





No matter how lonley you feel, there is alway someone out there feeling worse, or exactly the same, and there are plenty of people like this where you live too probably, i just didnt realise there had were people like me where I worked, but i am glad we are friends now.





plus, you can always email me :)
Reply:Surely the solution for you is to seek professional help along with





When meeting friends can't you arrange to meet them at home (familar surroundsings) perhaps watch dvd etc and create a more relaxing atmosphere so you don't feel so much anxiety?





Also can you perhaps have a gathering or a bbq at yours so your close friends could invite a couple of their other close friends so you get use to meeting new people ?(not talking about huge gatherings just say 4-5)





Also surely you have a few close friends who understand you or family or relatives that perhaps you could go out with to new places to help ease the anxiety to get use to new places and meet new people?





Remember take small steps and perhaps set yourself goals to meet or attain.





Sorry if my answer seams completely ignorant i don't mean to be
Reply:Sorry if this doesnt help. Its my first question to answer on this as im trying to make new friends too!


I think what you could try do is take it slow with the next friend you make. If they are a good mate they will understand how you feel and take things slow. Try take it each step at a time and do small tasks like a walk down the road then maybe further to the park or somewhere where there are more people.


Treat yourself even once a week and pamper yourself it will defineitly boost your confidence a bit. I think ya need to try cheer yourself up more, put your head up high and do it for you. Dont be worrying that you think ya have no friends. Everyone has someone that does care about them in some way even if ya dont know it yet!!
Reply:I had depression for along time, I have had a social anxiety disorder since I was 12. It was really lonely throughout because my so called friends did not understand either. Everyone turned away accept one. He was my best friend and I was so comfortable and I felt like I could do anything and we have been married for 5yrs. and have three amazing children. I dropped out of school because of this and went back to get my GED and then went to college. I had tremendous support from my family and that is all I needed. Sometimes I wish I had a friend that was not my sister, but friends come and go. Family is forever!!! If you want to know more or want to chat e-mail me.
Reply:Well, I'm the 10th person at the time of writing to you. It doesn't seem to me as if you don't have friends. Making friends is an art which you have to develope similarly being a loner, being depressed, being self pitying type, etc etc. I'm 46 and used to be depressed a lot at times. My wife happens to be my best friend who told me point blank, look Mister, if you keep on being cry baby, keep to yourselves and suckle your ego. I did the other way, I beat the blues black and blue and came out a winner. Its a first hand account and believe me you can do the same. Happy people dont do different things, they do things differently, apologies for the obvious plagiarism. Do happy things, do lot of social work, charity and if religion interests you, do meditation, prayers etc. Being a happy soul is as natural as being otherwise. Choice is yours. C'mon, perk up. You can do it. I believe in you. You have it in you. How else would you have written about your feelings!!!!!
Reply:i dont like answering a genuine question with a question, but would it be possible for you to do an edit and tell me/us maybe two things that interest you and you feel at ease doing. I would like to help you knowing that important piece of info. thanks.





By my asking you for the edit, i see Hannah has already expressed interest in your autograph collecting!! Amazing. This is the first step to getting out of your rut! You have many interesting past times and a lot more happening in your life than you may realize. You sound as if you may have an artistic streak, and an art class could be suitable for you. You could enjoy the peace and tranquility and express yourself with colour, or pencils on paper.Take it slowly and cautiously at the start, and with guidance from a tutor you may find a turn around situation not far away.


ps have you thought of putting some q and a answerers on your contact list. Could be to your advantage.


good luck . god bless.
Reply:I think there's a lot of good advice been given already here so I'll not repeat it. I just want to say that even with the little bit I know of you over the past couple of days I know that you'd definitely be someone who I'd want to be friends with and who I would feel comfortable with.





Maybe you need to see yourself realistically as someone who is a nice person but who has certain things that make you nervous. Now that doesn't actually reflect on you as a person, it just means that people need to accept these characteristics. Then if you don't feel pressurised because you're with people who understand, you'll make the most of your friends. First you need to be nice to yourself and not beat yourself up over it. (I'm not saying you are but I did for ages and now I just treat myself as I would treat someone else with the same problems.)





I don't really know though. I love people very much but I feel nervous socialising too. Especially here in Ireland where the only places that people want to go are pubs and nightclubs and I'm not really into either. Maybe you need to find out what places you feel most comfortable in and try to build a social life around them?





Also, maybe you have an actual disorder such as social anxiety disorder. Find out here http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/social-...


and if you do then you should see a professional and they'll be able to recommend coping strategies that have been shown to work. Or you can try them anyway. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy seems to be the only thing proven to be effective http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/social-...


and from my experience I invented this without knowing it when I was attempting to cope with what I didn't know was bipolar for years on end. It is fairly good.